I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
