My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
