How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
