It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
