just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
