Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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