My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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