We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
