Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
