I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
