Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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