ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
