i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
