'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize