some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
