ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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