i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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