that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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