yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
