Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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