The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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