Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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