she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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