Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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