I want to make a zoo with you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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