the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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