Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
