You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
