he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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