It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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