he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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