Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
