that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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