we're blogging at a bar
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
