I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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