You're so nebulous sometimes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
