definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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