Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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