i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
