actually, I'm a sock model
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
