The maid of honor just puked.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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