I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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