I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
