Whod you bang
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
