Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
