Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
