at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
