You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
