At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
