If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
