I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
