definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
