I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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