I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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