Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
