"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
