Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
