No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
