I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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