Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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