he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
