I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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