we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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