i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize