I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
