there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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