i already hear my dad disowning me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
