it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
