dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
