I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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