when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
