I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
