If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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