If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
