There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize