Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
