I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
