it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
