i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
