Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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